Thoughts of Today

My dad is in the military, and has been for 17 ½ years. I’ve lived in 3 states, 9 towns, and 13 houses. I’ve been a member of 5 churches, gone to two different public schools, joined 3 homeschool groups and been on 8 sports teams. I’ve always been the new kid. Always having to meet new people and try make new friends.  I was never quite sure about where or how to fit in.  Sometimes it is really hard to find a place in already existing circles of friends.

Through all of my life, having been in these situations, I’ve been rejected several times. Either purposely by unkind people or not on purpose, by kind people who didn’t do it on purpose, or didn’t know that what they were doing hurt and made me feel left out.  I found myself seeking approval from others, longing for attention, friends, identity, anything that I could get from someone to make me feel self-worth. I had forgotten that my worth comes from Christ.

Matthew 10:31 says, Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

It was exhausting and did not satisfy.

Why don’t they like me?

Why won’t they just accept me?

Is there something wrong with me?

Maybe I should change…

These were lies and questions that I asked and told myself every day.  I began to change and try to do some of the things I saw others do, things I knew were not godly things.  I would get in trouble at home because my parents knew that what I was trying to do would just hurt me in the end, but I thought they were just being mean old fuddy duddies who didn’t want me to be happy.

I chose to sneak around and did some of the things anyways. It worked for a while.  I thought I was happy! I thought I had all these friends, people liked me, I was cool.  But it wasn’t all truth.  My “friends” knew that what we were doing was wrong, but we did those things anyway. Finally, my parents found out.  It really hurt them. I had broken so much trust, gone against so much of what my parents taught me, and made a fool of myself.  (Like Pinnochio when he found himself at the carnival turned into a donkey J, I realized I had not made wise choices and realized that my parents were right.)  I hadn’t trusted my parents judgment or listen to what they knew was the right thing. All I cared about was not getting rejected yet again.  I thought I HAD to have friends, I HAD to fit in, people HAD to like me.

Talking with my mentor, I asked, "Why does rejection hurt so bad?"

She said,

"Rejection feels like it attacks the person you are, and your purpose in life.  It can make you feel unloveable-as if no one loves you.  It starts you down a path of believing lies: nobody loves me, I’m ugly, I’m not smart, God could never love me or use me. This is why I believe it is a strong tool the devil uses to destroy relationships and can affect a person’s life if we choose to let it."

 “God speaks about how, as Christians, we will be rejected in this world. {Matthew 24:9 says Then they will deliver you to tribulation, and will kill you, and you will be hated by all nations because of My name.} But he also advises us about how to respond to that rejection or how to determine in our hearts how to deal with it.”}}  He desires for us to know who we really are IN HIM and realize just how deeply He loves us and desires for us to look to HIM for that approval.

Recently I stopped and asked myself,

What have I let define me? What have I been basing my self-worth off of?

*what my friends think?

*How many friends I had?

*What grades I got?

*What was expected of me?

*How pretty, strong, tall, talented etc?

I had been basing my identity, and self-worth, on all of these things. I changed from who God wanted me to be in an attempt to fit in and get people to like me.  It left me stranded, more lonely than before and constantly feeling the need to seek more approval from those who I thought were “popular or important” When all along I should have been turning to God.

2 Corinthian’s 12:9 says:   But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

One of my favorite verses right now is found in Psalms chapter 34 verses 17-20.

“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.”

We especially do not need to change and turn to worldliness or sin in order to make friends or impress people.  When people reject you because you do not take part in those things, God tells us what to do about it.  Psalm 37 1-6 says:

1.  Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong;

2.   for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.

3.   Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4.   Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5.   Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:

6.   He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.

Make the decision to stop making what others think or how popular you are the source of your self-worth and the source of your happiness and instead turn and run to God, He will greet you with arms wide open and he WILL give you that satisfaction, that love and that acceptance you crave. We can always turn to him and never be rejected. I have come to realize that I DO have good friends, I have been accepted, I am liked, I was just looking for friends in all the wrong places.

My Dad has told me that my life is a billboard.  The things I do, things I seek, clothes I wear, music and movies I listen to and promote all go on my billboard.  Should I be filling my billboard with worldly things? Fashion, worldly approval, entertainment, sports, etc. Not necessarily bad things, but they can be if we give them a biggger spot on our bilboard than they should have.  Or should I fill my billboard with promoting Christ.  Even if people try to graffiti my billboard with rejection, slander, and hatefulness I will fill my billboard with things of Christ.

(Choose ye this day who you will serve).